she was so not down for the gang bang
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
