24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
