took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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