Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
