I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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