If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
