I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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