CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
