he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
