never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
