So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You are a genius and a whore.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
