1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
