allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize