She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
