The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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