i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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