So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
