Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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