that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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