just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
