people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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