When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
