Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
