I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
