Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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