i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
