i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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