new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
