So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
