who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
