My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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