there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Mom said you looked used
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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