drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize