I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
