The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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