he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
