You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
