this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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