Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize