I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I looked at my own cervix.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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