I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
