Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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