Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
