and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
