Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
