Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
