just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
