im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
