I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
