i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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