I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
