similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
