If that was your dad, he is hot
just come out here and I will go home with you...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
