When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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