you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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