The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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