I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize