I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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