dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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