Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
