This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
