OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Life is so much better after having sex.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
