Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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