Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Bring me that man meat
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
