Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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