her vagine was all disorganized.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
