...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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