Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
