Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
