Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
