OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
