so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
