Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
