so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
