Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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