I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize