His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Randomize
